Obviously, how couples deal with things inside their own marriages is their business. But, when marriage feels like a business venture, instead of a committed relationship, tensions can rise.
One real problem in some marriages is having “his and hers” finances. For some couples this arrangement may work just fine, while for others, it leads to difficulties and resentments. This is especially true if one spouse is the “bread winner” while the other stays home with the children, or if one makes a great deal more money than the other does.
It also happens to couples who both work, and who keep separate bank accounts.
“We’ll use my money to pay the mortgage and your money for the car payment.”
“I’ll pay the utilities, but you have to buy the groceries.”
Even if the bills are split nearly evenly, one spouse may end up with more disposable income. This will invariably create resentment, especially if that spouse tends to be less than generous with the extra money.
Since marriage is a committed relationship, not two roommates sharing expenses, this arrangement can quickly deteriorate into arguments. In relationships where his and her finances are kept separate, one way to ease tension may be to also keep a joint account. Household expenses and a miscellaneous fund for emergencies can be kept in this account along with money for any other necessities (aside from savings, retirement, etc.). Both spouses should add an agreed upon amount to this account regularly.
This will help avoid problems if at some point one spouse needs something but doesn’t have enough money in his or her account and the other spouse cannot be reached immediately or is perhaps out of town. With a joint account besides the separate accounts, the spouse who needs something will still have the necessary resources.
Then, each partner can still retain an individual account to help him or her feel a sense or independence or privacy, or whatever he or she gains by keeping a separate account. For some people this is very important, and they are entitled to their feelings.
My husband and I prefer joint accounts and in our home, there is no “my money” or “your money.” It’s all “our money.” I would resent anything less. If he can trust me to share his life and to bear his children then he can certainly trust me with his money. I trust him implicitly. That’s just the way we prefer it and neither of us has any huge sums of money anyway. Still, I believe that if we did, we’d still do things the same way.
So, how do you feel about his and hers finances?