His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley Jr.

This is truly my favorite relationship book. It really gets to the core of the problem, explains why things like infidelity happen and then give you tools to prevent it.

The analogies in this book are great, for example, the Love Bank. They use the love bank to explain how when you meet someone and things are wonderful, this person is making deposits in your love bank. Eventually those deposits add up to a marriage. They also explain how certain things cause withdrawals from your love bank.

In the normal course of marriage you will both make deposits and withdrawals to each other’s accounts, the important thing is to make sure the balance stays positive.

Mr. Harvey then goes on to explain how someone else can put deposits in your spouses love bank when you are not meeting their needs.

Why don’t we meet our spouses needs? Because we don’t know what they are, we may think we do, but we don’t.

This book identifies ten basic needs that we all have, sexual fulfillment, companionship, an attractive spouse, domestic support, admiration, conversation, affection, financial support, family commitment and honesty. The problem is, men and women rate those needs differently and that causes friction.

If a wife’s number one need is affection and her husband’s number one need is sexual fulfillment, you are going to butt heads. We give other people what we need to feel loved. If your main need is affection but your spouses is something else, all the affection in the world will not make him feel loved. You have to identify his most important need and give him that.

There are questionnaires and lots of things to discuss with your spouse. I think this is one of the best relationship books available and gives lots of insight into why people struggle in their relationships. I recommend this book to all my friends and family when they get married, it truly is an eye opener.

The Green Mile


Some Assembly Required

A Love That Multiplies