How Do We Know If We Are Ready for Kids?

Earlier, I talked about when your spouse doesn’t want a child. I’d like to look at the other side of the coin now and discuss how do you know if you’re ready for kids. My husband and I have discussed having a second child for a long time and the interesting thing is that the discussions surrounding our second child are very similar to the discussions we had about our first child.

It’s amazing that our perspective, though adjusted for child number one is still here for child number 2. When we found out I was pregnant the first time around, my husband was terrified about the situation. He was afraid he would be a bad father. He was afraid that he would resent the child because it would take away from our social life, our hobbies and let’s be honest – having a baby requires a huge investment of time, energy and more.

It’s A Trade Off

I’ll be honest – it is a trade off. Before we had a child, we went where we wanted when we wanted. We made social plans on the fly and we never really had to think about coordinating our schedule around a nap, a feeding or even a bedtime. On the other hand – we couldn’t have imagined all the incredible things that we would discover as parents and in getting to know this little person we call our daughter.

For all our expectations, you can’t imagine what it is to be a parent until you have your baby. You can’t imagine what it’s like to have a toddler until your baby grows and develops. It’s very much like taking an uncharted journey into virgin territory. Sure – other people have explored in other similar situations, but they are not you and they are not in your marriage and they are not learning about your child. There’s no way to know for sure until you’re there, but once that door is open – that’s where you are.

You can’t help but love your baby

I’ve known plenty of couples who’ve had babies and discovered how quickly they fell in love with their infant, even when they worried they wouldn’t be able to love them enough – including my husband. It’s also true that I have seen plenty of parents who should never have made that leap with the assumption that everything would be just fine.

As a couple, you need to remember your commitment to each other when you choose to become parents. You need to support each other and help each other to be the parents you want to be. That means listening to each other, learning from each other and supporting each other through periods of physical, mental and emotional distress. The best parents are the ones who can include their child in their bubble of love and affection while maintaining their equilibrium as a couple. It’s important to remember that your love can be deepened, strengthened and your marriage can go to another level when you have kids – but that’s really up to the people involved.

How did the decision to become parents affect your marriage?

Related Articles:

Planning to Be Married with Children

Making Marriage Matters Funny

Are You Ready for Another Baby?

The Beauty of Mature Love

This entry was posted in Married Without Children and tagged , , , by Heather Long. Bookmark the permalink.

About Heather Long

Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago. They have a beautiful daughter who just turned five years old. She is learning to read and preparing for kindergarten in the fall. An author of more than 300 articles and 500+ web copy pieces, Heather has also written three books as a ghostwriter. Empty Canoe Publishing accepted a novel of her own. A former horse breeder, Heather used to get most of her exercise outside. In late 2004, early 2005 Heather started studying fitness full time in order to get herself back into shape. Heather worked with a personal trainer for six months and works out regularly. She enjoys shaking up her routine and checking out new exercises. Her current favorites are the treadmill (she walks up to 90 minutes daily) and doing yoga for stretching. She also performs strength training two to three times a week. Her goals include performing in a marathon such as the Walk for Breast Cancer Awareness or Team in Training for Lymphoma research. She enjoys sharing her knowledge and experience through the fitness and marriage blogs.