I remember that one of the “big issues” when my teenagers were younger was talk around “setting limits.” Seemed I couldn’t go to a preschool parent’s meeting, parenting class, or even stand chatting with other parents over coffee at church without the conversation coming around to setting limits. While I don’t hear this phrase as often as I used to, I do still see and hear it tossed about when the conversation turns to things that parents can do right and well. So, I thought we might chat a bit here about limit setting…
I do not think of myself as a pushover, but I am definitely not strict. I am incredibly consistent and firm about the rules and boundaries I do have. As my kids have grown, I’ve found that some of our bigger problems actually occur when my limits do not mesh, or are not reinforced by other institutions and people. Still, my kids know that if I set a limit or boundary, I’m incredibly firm about it.
So, what constitutes good limit-setting? Limits can be anything from when and where homework is expected to be completed, to curfews and chore expectations. Experts say the important thing for parents to keep in mind when setting limits is that they be limits that you are able to enforce (and reinforce). Setting a “limit” that you are not willing or able to follow-through on doesn’t really do any good (and it can be detrimental to your credibility as the parent). You can start by asking yourself if when you say something to your child, you mean it and keep your word? Are you setting reasonable and age-appropriate limits and adjusting your limits over time as the child ages and matures? Do your limits reflect your family’s values and set reasonable expectations for your child’s behavior? So, maybe it’s time for a little check-up as you look into how your limits and limit-setting are going in your family?
See Also: Can Your Parenting Be TOO Consistent? and Just Say Yes