We’ve all been there–either a coworker, boss, colleague or customer/client is trying to manipulate us into doing something that we have stated we won’t, or get us to do extra work, cover for someone else or just feel guilty for whatever reason. For some people, this seems to be the main way they interact with other people. Here are some tips for how NOT to feel guilty and what to do when you have to cope with someone who is a real guilt monger:
The first thing to understand that guilt is all about trying to get you sucked into an emotional situation and to have an emotional response. The individual who uses guilt as a tool to get what he or she wants or just to feel either better about themselves or like a poor victim, is not really focusing on the facts or the reality of the situation in an objective way–he or she is trying to use emotions to control the interaction. For example, a customer may say something like, “Oh, that’s okay, I don’t really need that product. I WAS going to use it for my sister’s birthday/wedding/funeral, but I’ll manage along somehow. It’s just too bad that you can’t do anything to speed things along, but I’ll be alright, it’s no big deal.” Of course the statement is accompanied by plenty of downcast eyes, moping and sorrowful tone of voice. You can easily get sucked in and feel guilty that your inability to get the product on time is causing her great grief.
However, instead of getting emotionally involved, try to stay focused on the facts of what’s happened. The customer ordered the product and you have now received notice that it is backordered. That’s the simple fact and it’s not an emotional situation. You can offer to order another product as replacement, or suggest she try something else instead. You can also offer a discount or some other problem-solving technique. But, you need not feel guilty and get emotionally embroiled in a rather simple business matter.
This doesn’t mean you have to be rude, just bring the conversation around to focus calmly and politely on the issues and the facts and stay away from the emotional side. Remember that even in business, guilt is a choice and by staying focused on facts, issues, problem-solving and outcome, you can keep yourself from getting sucked into the drama generated by a customer or client who wants to make you feel guilty!
See Also: Working With Challenging Customers and Clients