I am slowly learning that parenting is a lifelong learning process. I do not fully understand everything that my children need at their current unique stage. Therefore I try to continually educate myself through different means such as observing other parents, reading parenting books and taking parenting classes now and then.
I am really grateful to currently be taking a parenting class based on Chip Ingram’s course titled “Effective Parenting in a Defective World.” Mr. Ingram uses basic information with personal life experience that make this course easy to follow and desirable to follow up with or practice on my children.
The most recent class that I attended discussed helping to develop your child’s full potential. The main topics addressed the primary needs of children throughout their childhood and early adulthood as the needs for significance and security. This information reinforced what I read several months ago in Dr. Tim Kimmel’s book titled “Grace Based Parenting” which went into more detail about these two primary needs. Children are always asking “Do you love me” either through their behavior or less often, directly with words. They want to know how much they really matter to you or how significant they are to you.
Children’s need for security is met by setting limits or boundaries, which strangely enough they will challenge at every opportunity. How many times do we tell them no, or don’t do this one particular thing, and they are almost supernaturally drawn to do that one thing you told them not to do.
A very important thing that we need to do for our children is prepare them to become adults by utilizing two principles:
1. The principle of responsibility
2. The principle of readiness.
The principle of responsibility states that we never routinely do for our children what they can do for themselves. Parents need to understand what children can do at each age. For more information on chores that children can perform please see my article “Children Can Do Chores”.
The principle of readiness explains that we should only teach our children what they are mentally and emotionally capable of learning. The main point here is to talk or explain less to the children when they are younger such as telling a two year old “No, we will not do that right now” when they want to run up the slide at the park while other children are waiting to slide down. When the children are older and better able to understand talk more, such as telling a six year old “No you have to go up to the top of the slide because other children are waiting to go down who were there first and it would be unfair for you to cut in front of them. As the children get older, then we talk more to them. For those of you with teenager, you already know that they will many times demand that you explain in detail exactly why they can’t do something, while challenging each point with their own opposite opinion. This is actually better than you telling your 15 year old no, and she runs to her room slamming the door thereby effectively ending the conversation. The key of course is communication. Since I already mentioned that I do not know everything my children need, I plan on asking them what kind of things make them feel secure and also what types of things make them feel special or loved.
As single parents, we have the additional challenge of communicating on the run or while multitasking. I do believe that single parents can help their children to reach their full potential. The methods may need to be adapted to meet each family’s unique needs, but the principles are still the same.
We only worked through a few of the keys to developing a child’s full potential during the first class so watch for part two on this topic within a week or so.