A few weeks ago, I talked about the importance of why wives need their girlfriends. Today I want to talk about why husbands need their friends and their nights out too. Husbands are people too, as you may well realize and they have needs just the same as anyone else. While most husbands and wives enjoy camraderie and friendship in addition to their romantic relationship – a wife is not a man and she is less likely to speak as men do.
Speak as Men Do
What does it mean to speak as men do? Well, if you aren’t a man, then you are not likely to get it. But let me use some examples that I am familiar with. Men may share viewpoints – common interests and more that they simply do not share with their wives. For example, men can talk about problems with other men without necessarily exploring their emotional impact.
Most men do not want to examine their feelings so much as they do want to examine the situation. If they are having a problem at work, they want to talk about the people, not how it makes them feel. When they are ticked about their favorite sports team making screw ups, they want to talk about the details – not their disappointment.
When they want to enjoy time with the guys, it’s because they want some time where there are no emotional demands on them and when they can kick back and just be ‘one of the guys’ and not husband or father. For the man in your life that wants this – there is nothing wrong with that. Just like women need their friends and their time out with their girlfriends, guys need theirs.
Respecting Needs
It’s important to recognize that when your husband wants to go out with the guys, he’s not looking to escape you or your life – nor is he giving less weight to his marriage – he is simply looking for some time to decompress. My husband has several friends that he grew up with and one that he’s known since he was five. He loves to get together with them and it’s not always been easy. For years, he lived in another state and currently, two of them live in other states.
When they get together – they hang out – they reminisce, they tell stories, they play cards or video games and sometimes they just throw a ball around or go out rock climbing together. But what they do, I don’t really feel a part of and I don’t feel excluded from either. He likes to include me when it works for everyone, but he also likes to just get out with them and go have some fun. He needs it – and I respect that.
What does your husband do to get out with the guys?