You can insert your own personal quibble here, but today I want to share with you a personal story about something my spouse does that I can’t stand. I hope you’ll bear with me as this is not exactly a story that does me proud.
I Hate It When My Spouse is So Forgiving
Now you may think that I am an idiot to complain about the idea that my spouse is so forgiving. The ability to forgive is a wonderful thing. I actually admire it as much as I can’t stand it. That I have needed his forgiveness on any number of occasions is not wholly unnoticed by me, but at the same time he forgives transgressions and others with the same generosity that I find lacking in myself.
For example, we had a mutual friend. Without naming names or going into extreme details, this person hurt me personally with her behavior and erratic choices. She made several bad calls and among those was an attack on my marriage by using my husband as an excuse in her own disintegrating relationship.
I am extremely protective of my family and our marriage. Her erratic behavior was bad enough. Her lack of respect for many things was bad enough. Her lack of respect and her genuine stupidity when she chose to attack our relationship as a way of defending herself hurt me tremendously and I found it very difficult, no I found it impossible to forgive that.
My husband forgave her almost immediately. He shrugged off her stupidity as being a product of her own life and that while yes, she’d made terrible choices – she wasn’t intrinsically a bad person. So – he forgave her and he still considers her a friend.
Can You See The Problem?
Try as I might, I cannot find it in me to understand her actions much less forgive them. That being said, I can see why she did it. It was the easy choice. It required very little from her and she blatantly didn’t expect that her actions or choices would affect how anyone else would view her. She just used the easy convenience. My husband understands that – and if you’re thinking it sounds like I understand – maybe I do – but I’ve had nearly two full years to come to terms with those actions.
I still don’t like her and I doubt I will ever forgive her. I hate that my husband can – yet at the same time, I admire that he has that capability within him. Being intractable and stubborn can be positive traits when you persevering in the face of adversity – but they can really put a damper on how we respond to others who have hurt or injured us.
Is there something about your spouse does that you hate, but that you admire at the same time?