When I search the internet for advice about being a single parent there are so many differing opinions out there, it’s hard to know what to listen to, what works. There isn’t one solution that fits every family and every situation so I’ve taken to heart the things other single parents have said they wished they did, or didn’t do, as the case may be.
• Let your kids be kids- Even though you are now responsible for everything don’t share that burden with your children. Let them enjoy their childhood and mature at their own pace. It’s not good for children to have adult worries.
• Spend more time together. The dishes can wait, no one cares if your house is immaculate. Get on the floor and play with them, have dinner together, around the table, as often as possible.
• Worry less. Try to relax. I ask myself when I start worrying obsessively- will this matter in five years? Will I even remember it?
• Be more consistent. Let the rules and boundaries stand. If you are wishy washy in enforcement of expected behavior you will make your life more difficult than it has to be. Kids can tell when we are unsure of ourselves and they will work on those insecurities. Rules are rules and should be non negotiable.
• Speak positively about their father. As the old saying goes, if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all. Remember, you chose him, don’t make your children suffer more by having to listen to you bash the father they love. Encourage your children’s relationship with their father.
• Love more and lecture less. This becomes even more important when they are teenagers. If you want your children to talk to you don’t turn every conversation into a lecture. Give hugs and kisses freely and let them know their thoughts and ideas are worth listening to. When you talk about important issues make sure it’s a conversation, not just a one sided lecture with you telling them what’s right and wrong, listen to what they are thinking and feeling.
• Forgive yourself. You are not perfect, neither is anyone else. Everyone makes mistakes. Apologize and move on. Don’t dwell on mistakes you’ve made and convince yourself that you are a bad parent.
I gathered these tips from parents who have been there, they now have grown children and if they could do it again these are the things they would change. The thing I hear most is that parents wish they had hugged more and yelled less. I’m not a yeller but I do understand the hugging thing, I still hug Hailey before she leaves the house and when she gets home, every time.