When there is a serious or terminal illness or death in the extended family, it is common for us parents to take care of everyone EXCEPT ourselves. We focus on helping our children cope and may need to take care of all sorts of other details and support as well. As I write about how illness and death in the extended family can affect the household and family, I think it is important to remind us all to take care of ourselves too.
The last person on our list of who to look after may be ourselves but the truth is, we are often grieving too. This hit home for me recently when one of my children asked me as we were talking about her reaction to a dying relative: “Don’t you ever feel like crying too?” Well, of course I feel like crying and there have been a few tears shed in the shower! But, I realized that when I was with my kids or other family members, I was feeling as though I had to play the role of peacekeeper, caretaker and translator and that tending to my own grief and feelings was the last thing on my list.
You may have to go outside your family and turn to your friends for support, but by all means remember that you need care and space too. Do those little things that make you feel good and remember those daily care things like doing your hair, sprucing up, exercising, eating well, etc. If you find it hard to take care of yourself just because it is good for you—consider that you need to stay healthy and fresh for your children. Consider that you not only need to take care of yourself in order to look after them during times of illness and death, but you need to model for them how to healthily process through challenging times.