Today I have something a bit different for the marriage blog. I have a book review
Intimacy and Desire
Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship
by Dr David Schnarch
Paperback $35.00
This book raises several interesting and, I dare to suggest, controversial issues. One of them is that lack of sexual desire doesn’t necessarily mean there is a problem in the marriage. This is certainly different to a lot of the popular view of the day and the impression we get from current movies and TV shows, which suggest that if you’re not have sex like rabbits there’s something drastically wrong with you
So the first point Dr Schnarch makes is that sexual desire problems are normal and inevitable because there is always one person in a relationship that is the low desire partner and this is the person who control what happens and when regarding sex.
Once he has established this point, he then moves on to suggest ways to make that work for a relationship rather than against it. The other interesting point is that in half the couples he sees it is the man who is the low sex desire person and that they occur not at the end of a relationship but at the midpoint. So the good news from that is there is still somewhere to go from that point.
Following on from the work of Helen Fisher , author and anthropologist, the book goes on to say although we can’t go back to that initial stage when we first fell in love, that is no reason why a couple cannot move forward.
The point is made that romantic love ‘did not evolve to help us maintain a stable, enduing relationship.’ Romantic love has a different primary and a limited shelf life.
Dr Schnarch moves on to talk about how a person’s sense of self affects and shapes sexual desire. He comes out with this statement which will surprise many. ‘If you love each other and stay together, you can count on sexual desire problems.
He then proceeds to show people how to solve those desire problems. That alone should have people deciding they need to buy and read this book.
This thick book requires a lot of reading but it is packed with useful information. To aid with memory and make sure the reader has grasped what the chapter is about, at the end of each chapter there is s checklist of the main points covered. Couples should find this a helpful book.
Related blogs
Intimacy and Imagination in Marriage
The Glue that Holds Marriage Together
How to Ask for More Sex from Your Husband