I know this seems to be a silly question for those of you with a biological child. But what you should know is that it is a very real problem effecting biological and adopted children. There have been many blogs about this under the adoption topic. However it is not solely an adoptive family problem. Children that spend a lot of time away from home, may it be in the hospital for a long period of time can develop an attachment disorder of some kind, this is just one example of what may cause an attachment disorder.
What is an Attachment Disorder?
Attachment disorder is a condition in which an individual has difficulty forming loving, lasting, intimate relationships. Attachment disorders vary in severity, but the term is usually reserved for individuals who show a nearly complete lack of ability to be genuinely affectionate with others. And typically fail to develop a conscience and do not learn how to trust.
What causes Attachment disorders?
Attachment disorders can be caused by a variety of things that vary; below you will find some but not all causes that have been proven.
*Neglect
*Abuse
*Separation from the primary caregiver
*Changes in the primary caregiver
*Frequent moves and/or placements
*Traumatic experiences
*Maternal Depression
*Maternal addiction- drugs or alcohol
*Undiagnosed, painful illness such as colic, ear infections ect.
*Lack of attunement between mother and child
*Young or inexperienced mother with poor parenting skills
What do I need to look for?
•Intense control battles, very bossy and argumentative; defiance and anger
•Resists affection on parental terms
•Lack of eye contact, especially with parents – will look into your eyes when lying
•Manipulative – superficially charming and engaging
•Indiscriminately affectionate with strangers
•Poor peer relationships
•Steals
•Lies about the obvious
•Lack of conscience – shows no remorse
•Destructive to property, self and/or others
•Lack of impulse control
•Hypervigilant/Hyperactive
•Learning lags/delays
•Speech and language problems
•Incessant chatter and/or questions
•Inappropriately demanding and/or clingy
•Food issues – hordes, gorges, refuses to eat, eats strange things, hides food
•Fascinated with fire, blood, gore, weapons, evil
•Very concerned about tiny hurts but brushes off big hurts
•Parents appear hostile and angry
•The child was neglected and/or physically abused in the first three years of life
I know that these signs and symptoms all seem to be about a child that was abused or neglected and removed from a home to be adopted. This is not always the case. Just think about it. If you have a child that in their first few years of life was in the hospital frequently there is a possibility that your child may have developed an attachment disorder.
This is just food for thought. Of course not all children that are hospitalized in their first few years of life are going to develop attachment problems. But it does happen, and not just in adopted children.
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