Is Your Man Really Commitment Phobic? (1)

Men are renowned for being the commitment phobic partner in many relationships. But is this is always the case? Can women also be commitment phobic? Let’s have a look at the case of Melissa and her relationship history with the males in her life.

Melissa is a rising star in the business world. With excellent tertiary qualifications and a successful career in public relations, she is also the possessor of quirky good looks which attract more than a reasonable share of the male market.

At 38, Melissa has had a series of “relationships” and is currently juggling the favors of two men. Yet Melissa is alone and lonely. Although her life sounds perfect on paper, Melissa has so far failed to achieve lasting success with any men. While her career hurtles upwards towards seemingly dizzying heights, as the milestone age of 40 looms closer on the horizon, Melissa is frustrated with the lack of success in her love life.

While Melissa blames the lack of “suitable males” as the basis of her dilemma, the real problem is far closer to home. Melissa consistently chooses men who are unable to connect with her in any meaningful way.

Melissa’s two current potential partners are indicative of such a faulty selection mechanism. James, a dynamic partner in a successful medical practice, is 36, single and, in addition to Melissa, has a stable of “part-time” women on tap to fall back on whenever Melissa’s work commitments preclude their meeting. In fact, this is Melissa’s second “bout” with James; an 18 month relationship with James previously ended when Melissa decided she had had enough of James’s inability to commit solely to her. Yet she is back with him a second time.

Melissa’s other current man, Simon, appears on the surface to be the precise opposite of the success-driven James. Simon tutors philosophy to postgraduate university students and has a great sense of humor and an easy-going manner. So easygoing in fact, that Melissa is frustrated with his ambivalent behavior towards her.

But while Melissa is energetically engaged in desperate pro-commitment games with both James and Simon, playing one man against the other in an attempt to extract a commitment from either, she is increasingly aware of a sense of overwhelming depression. And although she regales her friends with amusing tales of frenetic passion and thwarted relationships, she has become a sad parody of her own romantic ideals.

In our next article in this series we will look at who has the commitment phobia: is it James, Simon or perhaps even Melissa?

Contact Beth McHugh for further assistance regarding this issue.

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Is Your Man Really Commitment Phobic? (2)