Most of us want our child to have great friends–we know how much better friends can make life and we also understand that socializing and social development is important. Unfortunately, we don’t always warm up to our children’s friends–we wonder if they are a good influence, the right “sort” of people and whether or not they are adding or subtracting from our child’s life. While every person our child chooses may not be who we would choose, we still have to be careful about judging our child’s friends based on how they look or what they wear.
Judging and labeling children based on the clothes or shoes they wear, the way they have their hair cut, etc. can be a hard habit to break. After all, many of us have learned how to judge and label from an early age. We almost cannot help the fact that we assume that a certain “style” matches a certain personality type, family background, etc. We may find that as our children get older and hit adolescence, it is a real trigger for us in terms of judging kids based on how they dress or look. It takes a conscious effort to interrupt this judging and take time to get to know our child’s friends first–before labeling and judging them based on how they look.
Our children will see right through our hypocrisy and they will NOT be understanding if we are judging their friends based on the clothes they wear or the style they choose to embrace. I have found that children are often more tolerant–especially if we have taught them to be tolerant and our credibility as parents will be damaged if we are superficial and judgmental.
Take the time to get to know your child’s friends–their families, interests, personalities–instead of passing a quick judgment based on how they look.
Also: Teaching the Gay Student–Keep an Open Mind
Teaching Your Child What makes a Good Friend