What is true kindness? Is it just being nice? And is it possible to be constantly nice without losing yourself?
In yesterday’s blog, we began to discuss the 7 divine traits, which include: Kindness (Chesed), Discipline (Gevurah), Tiferet (Beauty), Netzach (Victory, endurance) Hod (Humility), Yesod (Foundation) and Malchut (dignity). Each one of these traits includes the other six within it.
Now, back to the first trait we are learning, which is Chesed or Kindness. Pure kindness is given when we truly do not expect a reward. “Random Acts of Kindness” is a good way of expressing what kindness is in general. How is this different from being “nice”? When someone is “nice”, there might be a trace of self-consciousness to this niceness. There is a sense of “minding one’s manners” and that “people are watching.” Kindness takes none of this into consideration, and is expressed only the desire to give. This is the reason it is said that the ultimate Kindness are the good deeds done for the deceased, since they cannot see what we are doing nor repay us with a favor later on.
But aren’t there limits to Kindness? Yes, there are limits to kindness, because, as human beings, we are limited creatures, compared to Hashem (or Gd) who has each of the 7 attributes beyond limitation. For us, Kindness, like all the other attributes, must be counterbalanced with other traits. For instance, Kindness needs an aspect of discipline, as every parent knows; we can’t just keep giving kids candy whenever they ask. Kindness also requires balance so that one will be able to judge when Kindness is appropriate or whether Discipline is required. Here are some examples of how Kindness can be viewed in balance with other traits:
Kindness and Endurance: Am I consistent with my kindness, or does it depend on my mood?
Kindness and Humility: Am I kind because it makes me feel good? Do I focus on the other person?
Kindness and Foundation: What is the basis of my Kindness? Is Kindness incorporated into my daily habits?
Kindness and Dignity: Do I give of myself while maintaining my dignity? Do I avoid feeling like a “martyr”.
Each of the days of the Omer period has a different combination of traits. The combinations discussed above dealt with the first week of the Omer, or the week of Pesach. Gd willing, tomorrow, I will discuss the trait of Gevurah or Discipline and Vigor.