I am very lucky to be with a man that finds the pregnant body sexy and beautiful. And he’s not the only one: Men in most cultures find fertility very attractive, leading the women to flaunt it in its many forms, especially pregnancy. Coming home to this kind of acceptance had a profound impact on my self-image during what was a very large pregnancy for me. This was especially true with all the unwanted, sometimes rude comments I received due to my large belly. I found respite in talking to my fiancé about how upset they made me.
I’m not certain why I carried my second baby so differently than the first, but I will say that my short stature makes my babies stick straight out! During my first pregnancy, I gained a whopping 40 pounds, and delivered a six and a half pound baby, but I don’t remember receiving any rude comments due to my size. During my second pregnancy, I only gained a measly 20 pounds. Paradoxically, it appeared as if all 20 pounds were centered directly in my abdomen, as if I had a beach ball under my shirt! Perhaps not being as plump as the first time made my stomach appear larger. My mother suggested that I had a lot of amniotic fluid, but try getting the average person to understand that. Many people do not see pregnant women often, and so seeing a very pregnant Me was apparently like going to the freak show for some of them. There was even unabashed gawking from time to time!
I was what people refer to as “all belly”, and it was so massive I often received very unwelcome comments from people I didn’t even know. The first few I let roll off of my back, but after a while, my blood began to boil. When I was only about 6 months pregnant, I looked as if my due date was around the corner. More than once I was asked if my due date was mistaken. I learned early on to give a general date instead of the actual. When asked, I would often reply that I was due in October, or simply “Early fall”.
Indeed, I looked as if I may have been carrying twins, and I was asked if that was the case more times than I care to admit. How can you possibly respond to such a question with dignity, you may wonder? In the beginning, I used short comebacks coupled with a smile that would give a toothache, or tried to explain myself by saying things like “Well, I am on the short side so…” But then I began to wonder why I felt like I had to defend myself at such a happy time in my life.
By the time my actual due date was approaching, the looks and comments were beyond nosy – they became downright rude. “You’re STILL pregnant?” “When WAS your due date?” To these I would retort with more of a sarcastic approach: “Yeah, the baby set up a hotel and it’s rent free so what the heck, right?” There was one specific incident where I was asked if I was having twins, and I replied “I don’t think it’s very nice of you to ask me that, since it’s none of your business”. Another time I quite matter-of-factly stated that I found it rude to remind a pregnant woman how large she looks. “As if I don’t already know – I’m carrying this belly around, aren’t I?”
Where I worked at the time, there were strict harassment policies in place. This seemed to do nothing for pregnant women, until the day that I heard the umpteenth comment of “Oh my gosh, your belly is HUGE!” and I responded by saying: “You do realize that commenting on someone’s size is against the harassment policy?” Word must have spread about my pregnancy-induced temper, because I never got another comment at work after that. Of course, they probably thought that I was being hormonal by sticking up for myself. It’s sad that I felt I was forced to use a threat, but it’s even sadder that people can’t see how rude it is to make such comments. After all, would they go up to an obese woman and say the same to her? I’d like to think not.
The saddest thing of all is that most of the rudest comments I’ve heard were uttered by fellow women, and fellow mothers at that. I often wondered if they forget how frustrating it feels to receive comments regarding weight or size. They must also forget how large most women get at the end of pregnancy, and I even asked this of one older woman. I’m sure she wasn’t pleased that I addressed her age. Hopefully she then understood that I didn’t appreciate her addressing my size. We as women need to stop attacking one another just to make ourselves feel good.
I’m led to believe that the average person has not actually seen a full-term pregnant woman. Truly, many of us tend to hibernate the last few weeks, being uncomfortable and tired. Those that do breach their front lawn must be unrecognizable as humans with the way we are treated!
To keep our sanity, we pregnant women need to stop making excuses for our size and instead embrace it. Dare I say, let us flaunt it. Celebrities have begun doing so, and I’ll admit that they tend to have the “perfect” bodies even while pregnant. There is a good thing about this: It is making pregnancy sexy in America. The problem with this is that they are setting the standard for the rest of us. Once again, we need to take back the womanly body and show the world that curves – pregnant or not – are what it means to be a woman.
Show your belly pride in Let’s Talk About Casting Your Belly
Let’s Talk About Handling Unwanted Belly Touching
The Importance of Self Image in Pregnancy