Did you catch, or would you catch, your own baby if you could? This question was posed to me recently, and gave me pause for thought. I distinctly remember, while pushing my second daughter out, being encouraged to “just reach down and grab her”. It sounds a little bit easier than it is. I was very much in the middle of something – namely, pushing another human being out of myself – so I had little concentration to devote to the task. Ultimately, it wasn’t something I was intensely interested in, and so I don’t regret replying to the suggestion with a breathy “I can’t reach – my arms are too short!” I could hardly reach down and touch her head, let alone pull her up. So she was lifted for me until I could pull her up the rest of the way. I do think that if I had been able to, it would have been a really wonderful experience, but it was still just as magical as it would have been could I have done it myself.
Some women do wish to “catch” their own baby and plan for this to happen well in advance. Many women feel that they would prefer the first person to touch the baby not be a stranger. If this sounds like you, then you will definitely want to bring up the idea to your care provider. In some cases they may object to this, but if it is something you really desire to do then you need to hold firm to your wishes.
Still other women don’t desire to do this at all. However, if they are encouraged to reach down and touch the baby while it’s crowning, they may end up unintentionally catching and happy that they did. I’m not sure if this ever happens at the hospital, but it’s quite common for home births. I believe many women are not interested in birth so much as they are interested in getting through the birth and getting on with life, and many may not even consider catching their baby at all.
What about having your spouse catch the baby? Some women think this is a fabulous idea, while their partners think it’s a ridiculous one! This hesitancy may very well have to do with an inability to see the bigger picture. Women are notorious for looking to the future and understanding the implications of things such as this, and it’s hard enough for some men to grasp fatherhood immediately, let alone actually grasping the baby.
I’m sure that the issue is often exacerbated in that they worry they will do something wrong, assuming the task is more complicated then it really is. Or they may even dislike feeling put on the spot. It’s almost like stage-fright, so you may not understand why they dismiss the idea so vehemently throughout the pregnancy. It’s amazing how easily they can be convinced to catch at the last minute, so instead of insisting that they won’t regret it, you may prove successful to spring the idea on them at the crucial moment: “Okay Dad, here she/he comes, get over here!” This actually happened to my mom at my first daughter’s birth. She hadn’t planned on catching, but the other midwife backed up at the last minute, and so she did.
I’ve never had a hospital birth, but I am under the impression that having family members catch wouldn’t be allowed there, so another way to have Dad actively integrated would be to have him cut the cord. This is no new concept, and even the most squeamish man (like mine, who assumed he would not want to do such a thing) can realize what a great experience it can be for them. After watching the actual birth of the baby, cutting the cord was not only doable for my fiancé, but something he decided he really wanted to do after all. Men really step up to the plate when it comes down to the nitty gritty, so don’t sell your guy short – he may catch that baby or cut that cord after all!
For a bit of related reading, see Let’s Talk About the Mirror, the Crown and the Miracle.
See also: Let’s Talk About Who to Include at Your Homebirth