Losing Your Identity

Have you ever heard someone speak against marriage because they didn’t want to “lose their identity?” I have to say that I think this is a valid concern for anyone considering a walk down the aisle.

I totally believe in the biblical concept that the “two shall become one.” I think your lives must become so intertwined that it is no longer only about you. Now you have to consider someone else’s thoughts and feelings before making decisions.

Two become one in making financial decisions, raising the children, and so on. But that doesn’t mean you should lose your identity.

Who you are doesn’t have to change. Although, as the years pass you may find this tends to naturally happen. For instance, you may suddenly develop a love for something that you never used to have simply because your spouse enjoys it.

Yet, the core of the person you are…that really shouldn’t be changed by marriage. And your spouse shouldn’t be making efforts to “fix you.”

Let’s face it. In the beginning of a relationship, you tend to want to please the other person, so you make sacrifices in order to do it. You give up plans and your preferences.

It’s important to learn early on how to compromise but not give up who you are. Because eventually you will want to get yourself back and that could lead to serious problems in the marriage.

You will become resentful of your spouse. They will become defensive and pretty soon you are going around and around in a circle trying to make things right.

If you have been married for a while and you are wondering if you can ever get back the person you were, you can. It might even be something you discuss with your spouse. Be honest and tell your spouse that you feel somewhere along the way you lost your identity.

Marriage is a partnership made up of two individuals. So while you are united, you also have the right to your own identity.

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Photo by brokenarts in stock.xchng

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About Stephanie Romero

Stephanie Romero is a professional blogger for Families and full-time web content writer. She is the author and instructor of an online course, "Recovery from Abuse," which is currently being used in a prison as part of a character-based program. She has been married to her husband Dan for 21 years and is the mother of two teenage children who live at home and one who is serving in the Air Force.