In the many years that we have been a single parent family and I have shared custody of my three children with their father—we have called the day that the kids go from one house to the other “transfer day.” Transfer day in our world has not been set in stone, however, and we have made changes over the years to our living and custody arrangements as the kids have grown and changed, and both households have evolved and changed as well.
The important thing I learned about making changes and adjustments to transfer day—even seemingly minor ones like to the time that kids are dropped off or picked up—is to make sure that everyone is one the same page and that you have had a face-to-face conversation about it. I generally like to follow up any discussions about custody and child changes in writing too—sending an e-mail to confirm exactly what we have agreed. It can seem way too “business-like” to be making verbal and written agreements about things with someone you used to be partnered with, but even the smallest things can come back to haunt you if you don’t dot all the I’s and cross all the t’s .
Over the years, we have changed the days, times, and how we went about the transfer and each time it has been facilitated by a meeting and writing down the new agreement. In our situation, changes have been brought about my changes in work and school schedules, the kids’ needs and requests, and after moves or other housing changes. I appreciate that we have been able to have some flexibility with our transfer day—but I also feel quite strongly that there needs to be some protocol and “official-ness” to the process. Otherwise, things can get too loose and out of control and kids don’t feel secure. Not to mention, you might not have a good handle on who needs to be where and who the official parent in charge is.
Also: How Smooth is Your “Transfer Day”?
Dos and Don’ts of Single Parenting