During the first couple of years of marriage, you and your spouse will begin to get a feel for the idiosyncrasies you both possess. Remember, both spouses come from different backgrounds and family cultures. These differences are expressed through differing habits and expectations. These differences in expectations can generate friction between even the most loving of couples, as you both have to learn to adjust to them.
The following tips are designed to help you and your spouse handle marriage complaints. Not all complaints are based on idiosyncrasies, but a good many of them can be. For example, I like to go to sleep with the television on. My husband needs to have the television off. This could be a huge bone of contention, except for the fact that we’ve learned to balance out our respective needs.
It’s important to recognize that when your spouse complains about something, whether you agree with their complaint or not, it’s important to acknowledge the complaint respectfully. In essence, you can annoy someone without ever actively attempting to do so. So whether you agree with a complaint or not, be sure to give them the fairness of the hearing you would want to receive for your own complaints.
How to Handle Marriage Complaints:
- Watch Your Language – ‘I’ statements are important when communicating marriage complaints, because you are giving them your point of view and your experiences – this is far better than accusing them or charging them with fault.
- Avoid moral and ethical landmines – Learning to live with someone else’s idiosyncrasies and how they do things can take some adjustment, but just because you are a morning person and they are not is not a case of who is right or wrong, but rather one that needs to seek compromise to balance your needs
- Choose your battles with care – when we marry someone, we marry every part of them – not just the parts we like or approve of. Trying to force your partner to change can and will cause rifts not only in the marriage, but in the friendship between you as well
- Remember the Journey that brought you to where you are – It’s important to remember that when you and your spouse first met, you weren’t planning to be married then. Some of the things you may find annoying now, you likely would have found annoying them. What was annoying as a young adult is hardly worth thinking about when you are in your thirties and the small stuff that may seem huge right now, probably isn’t going to even strike on your radar later in life. So do what the little books in the stores are always saying and don’t sweat the small stuff —
While my husband may not appreciate the comparison, I think of a lot of irritating things between a married couple the same way I do about the barking my dogs do. Two of my dogs go out in the backyard and will start barking at real and imagined sounds. They do it all the time. It’s darn annoying. I have to stay on top of it so they don’t annoy my neighbors. While it’s one of their less charming habits – it doesn’t change how I feel about them or the fact that I love them like crazy.
How do you handle marriage complaints?
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