Marriage Tips: Having Separate Lives is Not a Good Plan

Independence is a good thing. Yet the fact is, in marriage, we are interdependent on each other. We need each other financially, socially and emotionally. While we may have independent needs and even independent interests, we cannot lead separate lives from each other. What we need to do is balance our lives and our needs with the needs of our marriages.

Separate Lives

You may wonder how a couple can live together and yet live their lives separately. When a married couple is actually living independently of each other it’s called living in parallel. They can do this even when they are living in the same house. A couple can be living in parallel without even realizing that they are living in parallel.

A couple that is living in parallel is:

  • Spending their ‘down’ time separately in separate pursuits
  • Likely goes to bed at different times and rising at different times
  • They rarely share meals together or only meet over meals they plan to meet at
  • They enjoy different hobbies and activities
  • One may work outside of the home or inside the home – they may both work outside of the home
  • They may value similar things, but put their weight in different approaches

Living in parallel happens gradually. It happens when married couples are so busy taking care of their lives that they forget to live their lives. When they get so diversified in their interests, they forget to treasure the things they share together. Couples who begin to discover that they are living separate lives need to learn to come back together – they can start by dating and eliminating some of the extraneous things that they do that they don’t do together.

Have you and your spouse ever found yourselves living in parallel?

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About Heather Long

Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago. They have a beautiful daughter who just turned five years old. She is learning to read and preparing for kindergarten in the fall. An author of more than 300 articles and 500+ web copy pieces, Heather has also written three books as a ghostwriter. Empty Canoe Publishing accepted a novel of her own. A former horse breeder, Heather used to get most of her exercise outside. In late 2004, early 2005 Heather started studying fitness full time in order to get herself back into shape. Heather worked with a personal trainer for six months and works out regularly. She enjoys shaking up her routine and checking out new exercises. Her current favorites are the treadmill (she walks up to 90 minutes daily) and doing yoga for stretching. She also performs strength training two to three times a week. Her goals include performing in a marathon such as the Walk for Breast Cancer Awareness or Team in Training for Lymphoma research. She enjoys sharing her knowledge and experience through the fitness and marriage blogs.