Marriage Tips: Reruns (Bringing up the Past)

Reruns or instant replays are usually references to TV shows or ballgames, but they can also be a source of problems in a marriage. Bringing up things from the past or throwing past mistakes in each others’ faces is not good for any relationship. It is important to forgive and leave the past where it belongs.

When we take every opportunity to remind our spouses of past problems or mistakes, it makes it clear that we really haven’t forgiven or moved on. We must learn to let go put it behind us. Maybe the issue was never fully resolved and needs to be discussed calmly and settled once and for all. This should not be attempted during a disagreement or heated exchange, but at another time.

Using our spouses’ mistakes as ammunition against them is not only hurtful, but it is also a sign of disrespect. Even making indirect references to past issues can be seen the same way. It’s also frequently an attempt to justify our own actions or to manipulate our spouses by making them feel guilty. These tactics have no place in a loving marriage.

When disagreements arise, it is wise to “fight” fair. You probably don’t appreciate having your own mistakes or errors in judgment thrown in your face either, so teach your spouse how to disagree with you without attacking, by behaving in the way you want to be treated.

Nobody is perfect, and we are all tempted to use past hurts as a weapon at times. Think about things before you say them, and do not lash out in anger. Let past hurts go, and deal with the issue at hand in as calm a manner as possible.

Leave reruns and instant replays to old sitcoms or your favorite sport, and don’t make them part of your marriage.