My first two children could’ve been La Leche League poster babies. They latched perfectly, they nursed perfectly. They loved nursing and I loved nursing them. They did exactly what the textbook said they would and except for one bout of thrush with the baby, I had no problems. I solidified my opinion that women who gave up nursing really didn’t want to nurse that badly.
Then came my darling Meghan. Meghan did not latch on properly. Meghan did not suck effectively. Meghan did not let go properly either. As far as breastfeeding went, Meghan did nothing right. Overnight, I was sore, cracked and bleeding. I didn’t have experience in fixing breastfeeding problems because I had never had any. I didn’t know how to correct her suck, or her latch. I didn’t know what to do to help with my cracked and sore nipples either. I figured it’d get better. Meghan had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck very tightly and I just assumed the lack of oxygen was the reason for her lackadaisical suck and poor breastfeeding mannerisms.
I very quickly gained perspective on why so many women quit. Had Meghan been my first baby, I would’ve joined the ranks of great women who just said, “We tried it but it didn’t work.” Not only that, but I never would’ve tried again. I cringed and gritted my teeth every time I had to nurse her. I knew it wasn’t supposed to hurt–but I didn’t know what to do to make it stop. It was only because I knew what breastfeeding could be that I was so tenacious. However, I found a complete lack of easily accessible resources for women like me.
What made matters worse is that I was constantly being offered formula and erroneous advice. ‘You’re tired because you have to get up to feed her so frequently. Give her a bottle.’
‘She has jaundice because you’re breastfeeding. Give her a bottle.’
‘You’re in pain and breastfeeding isn’t working out for you. Give her a bottle.’
‘Some babies are just not meant to nurse. But it‘s okay because we have bottles.’
‘Maybe you don’t have enough milk–you nursed the others so long they drank all your supply. Good thing we have bottles.’
What I wanted, needed and sought out, was breastfeeding help. I just couldn’t accept that this baby was not meant to be breastfed. So while Meghan was in the NICU (she was otherwise healthy but had jaundice and the NICU is where they put jaundiced babies) I asked the day nurse not to give her a bottle. She stared at me incredulously. It was as if I had asked her to drop my baby on the floor. I explained that I was concerned about nipple confusion because she was not nursing well. She told me, “Babies don’t really get nipple confusion from a bottle. Besides, we can’t tell if the baby is getting enough if you just breastfeed her. You can pump if you really want to, but we have pre-made formula right here. . .”
That is not what I wanted to hear. But, we wanted to get the baby home as soon as possible so I acquiesced–Meghan was my first baby to get a few bottles. Several days worth to be exact.
The one thing about solving breastfeeding issues is that you have to keep breastfeeding to solve them. The other thing about breastfeeding problems is that they are cyclical. By that I mean that one original problem causes another (or exacerbates it) which in turn causes another and so on. So when we finally got home with Meghan she cried all the time. Why? Because I didn’t have enough milk! Why? Because she didn’t nurse enough in the hospital, and although I pumped, a pump is not nearly as effective at removing milk as a baby is, and in order to produce enough milk, milk has to be removed effectively. But she didn’t nurse effectively, so I continued to not have enough milk despite nursing her all the time. And the fact that I was nursing her so frequently was only making it more painful because she still was not nursing correctly so I still had cracked nipples, and bruised breasts. By this time, we started referring to Meghan as the vampire baby for her ability to draw blood.
So I pumped, and bottle fed expressed breast milk. Which made it harder for her to “get” the hang of nursing but I couldn’t keep nursing her the way I was. Finally, I started to heal. So I try to nurse, but by this point, she preferred a bottle. And then, to top all this off I get a plugged duct, which turned into mastitis because again, my darling little vampire baby didn’t nurse that effectively which is rather unfortunate because nursing is the best way to get rid of a plugged duct.
Now in the meantime of all this pumping, and bleeding, and bottle feeding, and nursing through clenched teeth, I saw several “specialists”, doctors, etc. who all tell me it was okay to give up nursing. But here’s the thing–it wasn’t okay. It wasn’t okay because I didn’t want to use formula. I wanted someone to help me get Meghan nursing the way I knew it was supposed to be.
Finally, a good friend recommended I go see the lactation consultant she used for her two preemie boys. Not a nurse who took a workshop in breastfeeding. Not the pediatrician on call who said she was gaining enough weight so everything was fine. But a real IBCLC. (International Board of Certified Lactation Consultants) My husband had his doubts and the insurance company wouldn’t pay for it–but I was desperate. I pointed out that her fee, a mere $135 per hour was cheaper than feeding a baby formula for the next year or so of life. So we went.
I found myself in the very comfortable office of a grandmotherly woman who took one look at Meghan the vampire baby and her sloppy nursing technique and knew how to fix it. She showed me how to get Meghan to nurse properly and even with cracked nipples, she got Meghan to latch on–PAIN FREE! Within less than an hour, Meghan went from vampire baby to super breastfeeding baby.
Meghan was 8 weeks old by the time I sought the IBCLC. That is exactly 56 days of torture I endured with the vampire baby. We went on to enjoy nursing together for another year and a half when I weaned her because we were expecting twins. But I write this now for a few reasons.
First, there are a lot of really fantastic moms that wanted to breastfeed and had to make tough choices based on the resources and support they had. I learned first hand how quickly the medical community is to point a struggling mom to formula. You shouldn’t feel badly if you’re one of those fantastic moms! Aside from being physically painful and exhausting, it is emotionally draining when you can’t breastfeed your child but want to.
Secondly, I write this to let you know that if you had a bad experience the first time, it doesn’t mean they’ll all be like that. The baby that nurses badly is an exception rather than the rule. Out of my five children, only Meghan couldn’t get the hang of it without help. Also, there is help. It may take awhile to find but there is help that goes beyond offering formula.
And finally, I wrote this to advocate using an experienced lactation consultant. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t bother with the nurses, or the staff lactation consultant at the hospital (who are typically just nurses who have no extra special training in breastfeeding), or the doctors. I would go straight to the lactation consultant. A good lactation consultant will be able to pin point problems, be able to show you how to position the baby and yourself so you’re not in pain, and she’ll be able to tell if the baby is nursing effectively. I would contact an LC while you’re pregnant, that would be willing to go to the hospital if you need her. (You can find one in your area through La Leche League or through IBCLC).