Miscarriage or a baby still born is one of those things many of us have experienced. It’s also something people are often reluctant to talk about.

Sometimes that attitude can be a defense mechanism. I know when I was a young married and miscarried the last thing I wanted to do was talk about it. I couldn’t handle people’s sympathy. It was easier not to think about it and to try and pretend it had never happened. Easier at the time perhaps but looking back I realize it was far from helpful.

When there is a miscarriage or a child dies soon after birth you need to be able to talk about it, with your spouse especially. After all you are both part of and affected by what happened. You may also need to talk about it with other couples who have gone through a similar experience.

I often see people here on the forums of families.com who have undergone a miscarriage. Maybe part of the reason is it is easier to come on line and tell someone than it is to talk about face to face. But I suspect in the long run, it is better to be able to talk face to face, even if it means shedding some tears, and accepting a hug and some show of affection and concern.

Sometime we may shy away from couples when we know whether we have experienced a miscarriage, because we don’t know what to say. We don’t want to make it worse. The best thing is to let them know you are there for them if they want to talk and to give them a hug or some show of love and affection. Don’t press them if they don’t want to talk though. People handle grief in different ways and feel the need to talk at different times. Just the fact of being a physical presence and showing love can be a help in these times though.

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