Missing Your Spouse, Even When They’re Around


Do you miss your spouse when he or she is around? I have on occasion found myself telling Jonathan that I miss him, even when he’s sitting right in front of me. Usually I say this in response to his having to leave for a day or so for work. Sometimes I even do it when he has to take a rare night shift, which I know is crazy. On those days I’m actually getting to see more of him than I would on a normal day, because he’s home in the morning, leaves at 3 pm, and is back sometime around 1 am. But I’m used to him being gone in the day and around at night, so it’s strange when I don’t see him then.

Maybe I should use a different verb tense when I tell Jonathan “I miss you,” when he’s with me. “I will miss you,” perhaps? Although that’s true, that’s not what I mean at the time. At that time I mean that I’m sad he’s about to be gone, in some ways sadder than I’ll be once he’s left. After he leaves I busy myself with things and I don’t really mind, because he’s never gone for long. I almost feel worse, more mournful, in the last bits of time I have before he goes.

I know this is another instance of my mind working in strange ways. But it doesn’t cause any problems in our marriage or really that much stress for me, so I’m not concerned about trying to fix it. However, the instances I described above are not the only times I miss Jonathan when he’s around.

Take this week, for example. It’s Jonathan’s final week of grad school. He’s been taking one class at a time in the evenings since almost the very beginning of our marriage. Summer semesters are shorter, so that means he has class two nights a week instead of just one. He’s very anxious for it to be over, and I don’t blame him and can’t wait, for his sake, until it’s done.

Because of that, though, the past month and a half has been hectic. He has class three hours a night two nights a week and his work schedule has been busy as well. He has to drive an hour into DC several days a week, and sometimes that’s meant he’s gotten back so late that he either only had time to be home for 30 minutes to eat dinner and then leave, or has to go straight from DC to class.

Between this work schedule, attending class, doing homework, and lately studying for his final, I don’t get to spend much time with Jon. This isn’t the first week this summer that’s had such a schedule. Aside from meals Jon spends most of his time at class or studying, and I’m asleep by the time he goes to bed.

We might spend hours in the house together, but in different rooms, doing different things. Unlike other times when we’re both doing this for leisure, we don’t interact much during these times, because I don’t want to distract him. So it’s safe to say that although I’ve spent the week with my husband, I miss him. Soon it will be over forever, though, and we both can’t wait. I’m going to bake him his favorite cake in congratulations, the one his mom always made for him on his birthday.

Do you find yourself missing your spouse at times, even when he or she is there?

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*(The above image by Michelle Meiklejohn is from freedigitalphotos.net).