The Internet provides you with dozens and dozens of options when you are a member in the triad. But I am going to focus on an adoptees view point and what we can gain from Internet use.
Support Groups/Mailing Lists
I was able to find support groups and email groups. They kept me sane. They answered questions when I had them. They looked at every aspect of adoption. I only joined those that allowed all members of the triad, because I wanted everyone’s viewpoint. Often they will provide you with information you might not otherwise have found.
Friendship
This was probably my most important resource in the entire search process. Friends. I met so many wonderful people along the way. But there were a few that stuck by me through it all. My friend Terrie wound up being a blessing to me. She lived in Houston, and was able to look up my birth date in a huge book of births that every library has for it’s city. I cannot tell you how amazing she was to do this stuff for me.
She was able to find me rather quickly because I was not named at birth, so I was listed as Baby Girl of (My Biological Mother’s Name). Of course at that point I still did not know if this was ACTUALLY me or not. But the last name was almost enough proof.
You see, as I was growing up, my adoptive mother, bless her heart, I guess gave me links without knowing it. She pushed the French language on me, and told me at least twice that I had French blood.
I was able to use that memory that my adoptive mother had supplied me with and compare it to this VERY French sounding last name, and we had a strong suspicion it was me.
Unfortunately we did have to use some deceit to get other information, for instance my friend Terrie became my “biological mother”, in order to request my biological mother’s hospital records, from my birth.
But sure enough, they linked us together. They had not inked out ALL the pertinent information in MY file, because there were two spots where they linked us.
I then requested my adoption decree, and relinquishment papers from the State of Missouri, using the information that Terry had gained for me. By this point I had turned 21. They refused and said that I had to get both sides (adoptive and biological) to agree to release them.
Oh for goodness sakes, now don’t you think if I knew where my biological mother was, I would not need to request them? Good grief! And by the way, if you’re wondering – closed adoptions really are not fun, in fact they are the worst thing ever! Needless to say this was not something I felt I could ask my adoptive mother for, without hurting her, and so I chose not to, and we used a different route. This was the sleuthing I did in my own home and came up with the actual relinquishment papers and adoption decree. There was a male with the same last name who also signed the relinquishment papers. Since most males NEVER change their last names, it was something to begin with. Well, that is how the whole thing got started.
Please watch my blog for more on my adoption search and for ideas and tips for your own adoption search.