In a previous article I began giving some ideas on how to more successfully have a serious discussion with your mate. Communication is a very important part of having a healthy relationship.
In addition to making certain that you talk, it is also equally important how you communicate. There are many different ways to talk to your mate. Some ways are much more effective than others.
My first suggestion was to not begin the conversation with “we need to talk”. Using this phrase often leads to the assumption that something negative is about to occur. Most men in general are not excited about serious emotional conversations. Therefore, they may immediately turn off when they feel that one of these conversations is about to take place.
The next tip was to avoid using “you” statements. When you use the word you, your mate may become defensive because he or she feels as if he or she is being blamed.
Have alternative suggestions.
If you are going to hit your spouse with a bunch of problems and things that are wrong, make sure that you have some ideas or suggestions of things that you desire. For example use phrase such as “I would like for us to____________ instead of ____________.” Also make sure that you have specific occurrences of things that happened that were undesirable. Never just come back with “you always…” have a specific time of when your spouse carried out the undesired behavior.
Keep an open mind.
Remember that marriage requires both give and take. Do not expect for things to go completely your way. Be ready for compromise and meeting in the middle.
Take a break.
If the conversation becomes an argument then you are not accomplishing anything. When the conversation gets heated take a break. Separate from one another. After the two of you have had time to calm down and think, things will be much easier to discuss.
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