Martyrdom and single parenthood do not have to go hand in hand or be interchangeable. I know it can be really tough NOT to feel like a martyr–someone who is giving it up, doing it all, and who is downtrodden and overworked–but no one likes a martyr and it isn’t particularly healthy for us anyway…
Think of how YOU feel when you are around someone who is acting like a martyr. It tends to make us feel angry, aggravated, annoyed, and guilty. It is just no fun to be around someone who is doing the “poor me” act. Even if we really do have things tougher as single parents, it does not make people any more likely to step in and help us out if we start going the martyr route. Instead, it makes them want to run and hide!
I think it is really unfair to do the martyr guilt thing to our kids–especially if they are too young to really know what is going on or know how to set their own boundaries. Of course, we are not perfect and I know I’ve been known to do the “guilt trip” as my kids call it now and then. It can just get so hard when you come home from a hard day at work to face another sink full of dishes and pile of dirty laundry! But, we can focus on the specifics of what is bothering us and wearing us out instead of going into martyr mode. After all, most of us do want our kids to understand that we are living our own lives and in charge of our own destiny–even if we don’t always feel that way.
Try to remember that the world is not happening TO us or ON us, we are still our own people–even if single parenting gets hard and overwhelming. No one likes a martyr and we probably won’t feel too good about ourselves if we choose to play that role anyway!
See Also: How Long is a Single Parent’s Day?
Let Go of Feeling Like a Victim