Not the Key to a Successful Marriage


Today I saw a scary article about a lecture entitled ‘The Keys to a Successful Marriage.’ It appears that an apparently self-appointed religious leader in Melbourne has told men under Islamic law ‘they can force their wives to have sex and hit them if they’re disobedient.’ He also told them there is no such thing as ‘rape’ between a husband and wife.

Given that Australia is currently engaged in running a campaign trying to curb incidences of domestic violence, it is horrifying to see a religious leader coming out and advocating something like this.

In ‘The Keys to a Successful Marriage’ lecture, Samir Abu Hamza makes the claim that men can punish their wives physically, and hit them. The one proviso seems to be that men ‘not bruise them or make them bleed.’

I have to say this is very different from the view of marriage that either Mick or I have and from the view of marriage the most of those we know have. I could not imagine Mick ever raising a hand to me. He sees his role as to care for me, just as I see my role as that of caring for him.

Neither can I ever imagine him forcing me to have sex if I didn’t want to. His Mick’s marriage is that each one in the marriage is looking out for the interests of the other. That love is paramount and that it is not self serving but a sacrificial love. I agree.

We talked about this recently when I was telling him about the issue raised by someone on the forum who was not happy having oral sex. In the case above the pressure amounts emotional blackmail rather than physical force. In the area of sex both partners need to be happy with what happens. It comes back to the give and take issue. Marriage is a partnership – not one person lording it over the other, doing whatever they like or getting all their own way.

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