In a study, beginning in the late 1950’s, conducted by Doctors Thomas and Chess they found that “children show distinct individuality in temperament in the first weeks of life, independently of their parents’ handling or personality style.” Today child psychologist Jerome Kagan finds that “the child’s own temperamental predispositions are the major
determining factors in the kind of person he becomes later in life. Whether children are independent or timid, sociable or shy, easygoing or easily depressed, he says, depends primarily on their inborn traits.”
Knowing your child’s temperament traits can help you as a parent understand how your child will react in certain situations. Thereby avoiding possible difficult situations and adequately preparing your child for situations that cannot be avoided. It can help you adapt your child’s environment to best fit their personality. It allows you to modify your parenting techniques to match your child’s temperamental characteristics. As you come to better understand your child’s personality you can appreciate their uniqueness.
Recognize Your Child’s Uniqueness
Get to know your child’s personality and how they approach the world. Our daughters are completely opposite in personality. One has a low activity and intensity level, has a low sensory threshold, is fearful of new things, and very sensitive. The other is constantly moving and into everything, is fazed by nothing, and has no fear.
Step Back
Remember that your child’s objectionable behavior is not deliberate but actions that he cannot control. By remaining objective and neutral, you can better help your child modify their reactions.
Adjust Parenting Techniques
Match your parenting techniques to your child’s personality. Realize that you won’t treat every child the same. We have to be very firm with our youngest daughter in order for her to modify her behavior. On the other hand our oldest daughter bursts into tears at the slightest reprimand.
Develop A Plan
Develop plans on how to deal with behavior then consistently enforce the plan. If your child has a hard time handling changes in their routine be sensitive to it. Try and limit the disruptions and make the transitions as smooth as possible. With younger children it might be best to just avoid potential problem situations.
Distinguish Behavior
Learn to tell the difference between temperamentally induced behavior and that which is learned. If your child who is easily distracted didn’t complete their homework because there was too much activity around your response should be different than if the homework was deliberately ignored. You will have to tailor your response to the situation.
Create Experiences
Design experiences specifically for your child’s personality. For example if your child is fearful help them find coping methods like a favorite toy or singing a song. Create exploration times to challenge your shy child. Help the child who is easily distracted by engaging them in one activity for longer periods of time.
Structure Your Day
Many children have a hard time with transitions and changes to their routine. Even if this doesn’t describe your child, children are happier with structure in their lives. Establish specific routines that you follow, as closely as possible, on a daily basis.
Don’t Label
Don’t categorize your child at an early age. This will limit their future growth and development. The baby who is shy, with your help, might never be the life of the party but will be able to deal with strangers without fear.
Build Self-esteem
Help your child develop a positive self-image. Knowing your child’s temperament will help you deliver praise, both for the things that they can do well and those that they can’t. If the child who has a high activity level sits quietly through a meeting, give them the praise
they deserve. Also praise the persistent child who completes a difficult task. This will help them build upon the traits they have in a positive way.
For more information about temperament visit my blog “The 9 Temperament Traits.”
During the upcoming weeks I will be addressing each temperament trait and giving suggestions for how to best nurture your easy or difficult child.
Useful Books from Amazon.com:
Know Your Child : An Authoritative Guide for Today’s Parents
Understanding Your Child’s Temperament