I have a few friends who are far more experienced parents than I am—they have already launched their children and I have a couple close friends who are fairly new grandparents. One of the things I have learned from these people as I have watched their children grow up and their parenting roles change is that we parents get multiple, ongoing lessons in letting go…
Like bonding and attachment, there is NOT just one opportunity to get letting go right in the world of family life. As a matter of fact, it tends to be ongoing, perpetual and with a lot of “push and shove”—one day we need to let go and allow our child freedom to make his own choices and the next day we have to step in and be the caretaking parent. Over the years, we let go more and more and do less and less caretaking. Our role changes from being pivotal and central to being more an advisor on the fringes of an independent person’s life. It can be rough, bumpy, and exhilarating—but it definitely is not a one-time experience.
Sometimes, we will do it well—I have definitely had those moments when I felt complete confidence and felt as though I was firing on all cylinders as a parent. There will be other times when we either let go when we shouldn’t, or cling too tightly when it is really time to let go. We are only human and as parents, we are definitely flying without a net! Relax, as long as you stay engaged and do your best, and realize that ultimately your goal is to be able to let go so that your child can fly solo—you’ll do fine. Meanwhile, you get time after time after opportunity to learn how to let go.
Also: Giving In Vs. Letting Go
Holding Grudges or Letting Go–Teaching Our Kids About Forgiveness
A Brand New Year with No Mistakes in It