Do you know anyone who has panic attacks? Have you ever experienced one? It’s not fun. My last panic attack was about two years ago (knock on wood) shortly after I started working at my current job. I wasn’t feeling well, and it started when I felt like I was going to throw up. I hate throwing up. I’m not good at it, and I starting getting anxious because I didn’t want to get sick at work.
Once I realized that I was beginning to panic, I told a fellow team member that I was going to step outside and sit on the porch (we work in dorm like buildings with a porch between sides of the building). It was still winter and kind of cold, but I sat out there, trying to catch my breath, not wanting to escalate. Then, people began to realize I was sitting out there. I had at least five people come out and ask me if I was okay. I knew that if I opened my mouth, I would start to cry. I didn’t want to cry. But person after person came out and asked if I was okay, which, although I understood they were trying to help, was making my situation worse. Soon, I was hyperventilating. At this point, someone went to get one of my bosses. He came out, and moved me into a private room, asking me if I was okay. I nodded and asked for a few minutes alone.
Then the head of my dorm came in. She recognized what was happening. She went and got my coat for me, waited until the dorm and all the clients had left for dinner, and came back to talk to me. She was very calm and reassuring. Once I was somewhat in control of my breathing, she sent me on break. I went to my car and called my mom. Talking to my mom, I calmed back down until I was at a normal state.
I was so embarrassed. Here I was, at a new job, still learning the ropes, and I have a stupid panic attack and made a fool out of myself. 28 years old, and having to call mommy to get through the day. But when I went back to the dorm, people weren’t staring at me. They were concerned, wanting to make sure I was okay. I explained what happened, and people understood. They didn’t stare and point, snickering behind their hands. What surprised me the most was the concern that the clients showed. They, too, wanted to know that I was alright, and a few were ready to hit whoever had gotten me upset.
But, most importantly, I realized that these people cared and wanted to know how to help. Many had seen people have panic attacks and a few have had personally had them. This made me feel better. I wasn’t the “freak” that they got stuck with, but a co-worker they could support.