Marriage is a big adjustment for some people. While some are good at being able to adjust and make it work, others are not. People in those marriages either end in divorce or are very unhappy.
I think that one great contributor to failed marriages is expectations. We seem to expect that our spouse or our significant other will have our same beliefs and share our same personality and our same thoughts. We are amazed, hurt, and even angered when we discover that his or her thoughts, feelings, and desires may be different from our own.
Lately I have been pondering the many different ways that people say “I love you”. There are so many varieties. Your way of showing affection may be very different from your partner’s way. The key is to recognize and appreciate each other’s way of showing and expressing feelings.
Just because you go all out and express your every thought of the day does not mean that your spouse will be so open. Many times differences such as these can be mistaken as a lack of connection or as a lack of love. However, they are simply differences in personalities.
While you may be much more obvious in your intentions and affections, your spouse may express feelings in a more private, less distinctive manner. You should try to recognize your spouse’s mannerism and efforts instead of getting your feelings hurt.
There is no harm in gently letting your spouse know that the differences bother you. However, keep in mind that you are not going to change your spouse’s personality.
If you take a closer look at the other relationships in your spouse’s life you will likely see the same pattern as in your relationship. If your spouse is carrying out the same characteristics with other important people (parents, close friends, etc.) then you have no reason to be alarmed or hurt. However, you should be aware if your spouse does not carry out the same pattern. For example if your spouse is very open with friends but distant with you.
The Biggest Challenges to Marriage