My preschooler recently got an invitation to her fist sleepover. She was thrilled. Mommy, not so much.
Initially I had reservations (my main concern was driving across town to pick up my daughter at 1 a.m. when she decided that she missed sleeping in her own bed), but after a few discussions with the host parents, I RSVPed “yes” and now whole-heartedly share my daughter’s excitement for this childhood rite of passage.
Well, kind of.
I was fine with the idea until I started blabbing about my decision.
Apparently, there’s a huge number of parents who have strict no sleepover rules… and they are only too happy to share this fact with moms and dads who allow their kids to sleep at other people’s homes. Granted most of the parents I spoke to have tweens, who don’t actually sleep during said sleepovers. Rather, their giggly girls stay up all night gorging on junk food, watching R-rated movies and participating in racy “truth or dare” sessions. Fortunately, my daughter’s sleepover won’t include any of the aforementioned features, save for some chips, cookies and ice cream (at least that’s what I’ve been told).
Still, some parents are adamant about not allowing their children to attend sleepovers. Hence the “sleep under” or “half-over.”
The premise is simple: Show up in your jammies, play games, eat all the junk food you want, but before the clock strikes midnight (or in most cases 10:30) mom or dad will be by to pick you up and tuck you in your own bed, far away from R-rated movies, inappropriate Internet use and discussions about sex, drugs and rock and roll.
Childhood experts say the non-sleepover sleepover is a product of today’s society where hyper-parenting rules. With “sleep unders” vigilant parents concerned with unknown dangers hover and basically swoop in and pick up the child before they can be exposed to anything but good clean fun.
Experts say publicity surrounding molestations at sleepovers has increased fear in parents, and the heightened anxiety has resulted in a surge of “sleep unders.” I suppose stories like the one that went public last month about the Vermont father, who was charged with drugging a 13-year-old friend of his daughter with a smoothie and then fondling her, doesn’t do much to alleviate helicopter parents’ fears.
What’s more, to know an overprotective parent is to know that he or she could care less what others think of his/her parenting practices. Hyper-concerned parents don’t worry about being labeled as such. They reason that the “what if” factor and their decision to protect their child outweighs any negative perception that may result.
Honestly, I am not too worried about my daughter’s sleepover. I trust the family she will be staying with. We share the same values and bedtime routine. I know my child will be supervised. What’s more, I’m only a phone call away, and can be at the sleepover house in about 10 minutes (less than 7 minutes at 1 a.m. when there’s no traffic) if need be.
Do you allow your children to attend sleepovers? How young is too young for a sleepover?
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