A new baby changes the dynamic for a couple. There is no longer just the two of you to think about. Suddenly there is a third individual needing feeding, changing, bathing and caring for.
The person who is at home with baby, in most cases the new mother, can feel she does little else all day but feed baby, change diapers, wash and do all those myriad activities associated with a baby. Then she finally gets the baby to sleep and her husband comes home. He’s been at work all day and wants to hold the baby.
Recently a radio announcer was sharing what the experience was like living with a new baby. His wife had just got the baby to sleep when he came home. Of course all he wanted to do was cuddle and hold his new little daughter and kiss her after coming home. ‘You touch her and wake her up and I’ll have to hurt you,’ his wife threatened only part jokingly.
If you look at this situation you can understand what’s going on. Her entire day has been taken up with this totally dependent individual. All she wants is some adult conversation and a bit of kissing, cuddling and attention for her.
Meanwhile the father, absent all day, feels like he is missing out on everything. He wants to be assured it’s not just the Mom that is important in his child’s life. He wants to get his chance to get to know and pay attention to his daughter. When he’s told not to touch and wake the baby he feels resentful. Any wonder there’s a conflict of interests here.
Really what it needs is each one to step back from their own situation to see how it looks and feels from the other person’s point of view. Then maybe a compromise can be reached that will ensure both parents have their needs met. It might be let baby sleep now and then later you can cuddle and hold her while I have a bath, or read or watch TV or go for a walk. The important things is the father feels he has special bonding time with his child and the mother feels like she is getting a break from being Mom and allowed to just be herself.
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