One of the biggest problems, where there is conflict in a marriage, is one person feeling they are not actually being heard. So it is important that you listen and acknowledge your spouse’s feelings.
Even if you disagree or think they are misinterpreting events or comments, for the moment keep that to yourself. Just let them know firstly that you love them and are actually hearing what they are saying about how they are feeling. If you are too quick to jump in with your own opinions or own version of events, it will effectively shut them down and they will either withdraw or they will go on the defensive. Neither situation is helpful for arriving at a solution to conflict.
Imagine how much better the world would be if we all took time to listen to what the other person is saying and let them express how they feel. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. So we will listen twice as much as we talk.
People’s biggest problem can be that they feel no-one listens to them. It is this lack of communication and listening I am sure that has produced the upsurge of talk back radio and TV shows. People want to be heard. Your spouse is no different.
Aim to be willing to please the other person. Life is all about learning to love, even when someone is difficult to love or is behaving in a way that is unloving. If we each thought more about the other person and how they are feeling and how to please them, a lot of the conflict might simply fade away.
After they have had their say, be willing in a calm way to express how you are feeling and why. Once you have both had your say, work out a way to move forward from the conflict together.
Join me next time for more about resolving conflict in marriage.
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Resolving Conflict in Marriage