In my last blog I mentioned recent incidents of racism against adopted children. One resource parents can use for talking to their children, and recommending to their children’s teachers (perhaps Scout leaders and religious leaders too) are the book Hate Hurts: How Children Learn and Unlearn Prejudice, written by Caryn Stern-LaRosa and Ellen Hofheimer Bettmann and published by the Anti-Defamation League (a portion of the proceeds from the book go to supporting the League’s work).
One weakness is the book’s statistics on U.S. population by race, which were taken from the 1990 census, making them old even when the book was written.
The book’s introduction, Kids DO Experience Hate, shares anecdotes from several children. Part One of the book focuses on Understanding Hate and Where It Comes From. There is first an age-by-age discussion of how children learn about differences and how they react to them at different ages. The book lists differences which often cause conflict and hurt and then defines hate and lists possible reasons for it: ignorance and false information, hurt and anger, believing you have to disparage other groups in order to be true to your own group. This part concludes with a chapter on role models for overcoming hatred, suggestions for talking to your children about diversity, respecting differences and suggested “ground rules”.
The next part focuses on questions different age children often ask and suggested responses: Why does Lee sound funny when he talks? Why don’t that man’s legs work? Why do some people call ______people names? What should I do when there’s name-calling at school? I didn’t mean anything by that joke; what do you want from me?
This part also discusses what parents of both perpetrators and victims can do in response to name-calling, exclusion, violence, slurs and other acts. There is a “five-step process for responding to situations you find offensive” and a checklist to help people think thoughtfully about whether and why a joke might be inappropriate.
The book ends with a listing of resources and websites, and books for both adults and children.
I did not find a specific mention of adoption in this book, but it seems that much of the process would be useful, not only for those of us with transracially adopted children but also with children learning English or who speak with an accent, and anyone could use the section on responding to teasing and offensive jokes in response to hurtful adoption language.
There is a section on Confronting Hate in School: What Parents Can Do and What Children Can Do. The section on confronting hate on the Internet also has suggestions for parents and suggestions for children. There is also a section on bias in the media and on evaluating children’s books for bias.
Please see these related blogs:
Kids’ Books Starring Internationally Adopted Kids
Things All Children Should Know About Adoption