In a culture where more than half of all marriages fall apart, it’s easy to become rather cynical about the whole institution of matrimony. In today’s world, it seems that the overwhelming majority of people view marriage as a kind of higher-stakes dating relationship with an end in sight if it becomes necessary. Divorce is no longer exclusively for the battered or scorned. When asked for a legal reason for their divorce, the majority of couples respond: “irreconcilable differences.” Some couples, however, find reconciliation after the fact. If you wish to reverse your divorce, there are several steps you must take to ensure happiness the second time around.
First, take time to consider what went wrong the first time you married your partner. It is very important that you keep yourself open and reflect on how you may have been at fault. Were you or your spouse emotionally distant and inattentive? Did you or your spouse have spending problems? Was there any infidelity or abuse involved?
Clearly, these examples have varying degrees of severity in terms of marital injustice, and these differences must be taken into account when considering the reversal of a divorce. It is one thing if you often felt as though you came second to your spouse’s career. It is another thing entirely if your spouse posed a serious threat to your physical or emotional well-being.
Feeling like second fiddle to a spouse’s job is something that can be discussed and resolved if you are both willing to compromise. Maybe you were hurt by your spouse’s indifference towards your beliefs and values. Maybe you found yourselves constantly arguing and rehashing the same disagreements. No matter what the cause, always keep in mind that one or both of you felt strongly enough about the issue to end the marriage.
You can’t afford to “grin and bear it” the second time around. Communication is vital. Through mutual forgiveness and acceptance, these differences can be reconciled.
In cases of abuse and infidelity, however, it is essential that you and your spouse seek professional help to assist you in the healing process. In the case of violence or unfaithfulness, divorce is usually the best option for both of you. On the other hand, people can change, and you may feel that your spouse truly deserves a second chance. Only you know the full extent and circumstances of the mistreatment or disloyalty, but keep in mind that this type of behavior is never acceptable in a committed marriage relationship. Also consider the fact that violent or unfaithful conduct often indicates a behavioral pattern, even if your spouse claims to have changed his or her ways.
After you have determined the exact cause for your divorce and decided that you want to renew your marriage, clarify your motives. Although intermittent thoughts of sadness and resentment are to be expected, you may have a problem if you remain overwhelmed by these emotions. Re-marrying simply because you miss someone or the memories associated with your relationship is extremely counterproductive. It is easy to determine whether you have truly forgiven your spouse and are ready to move on. The sense of peace in your heart will tell you that you’ve done the right thing.
It has been proven that differences can be resolved with hard work, faith, determination, and forgiveness. If you and your spouse are ready to re-enter a marriage relationship with a renewed sense of commitment and trust, you may find that you are blessed with the marriage you both wanted…the second time around.