Getting married means taking a huge step—not only toward your new spouse, but away from friends and family who used to comprise your whole world. You’ll still love them and share time with them, but your focus should be on your new spouse.
One of the hardest adjustments that takes place in a marriage is for the bride to learn to lean on her husband instead of on her mother. Now, not every girl has a close relationship with her mother, but for many, their mom is their confidante and their best friend. They turned to their mom for advice on everything from what prom dress to choose to what classes to take in college to how to sew on a button. Suddenly they are married, and they have someone new to turn to—and it can be a big hurdle to overcome.
Her inclination may still be to go to her mom for every little thing, but there are times when it’s not appropriate. Mom doesn’t need to know that Husband leaves his socks all over the floor or that he drools when he sleeps or that he wanders around the house in his underwear. There are financial details Mom doesn’t need to know, and she really doesn’t need to know about the couple’s sex life. There are problems that the husband and wife need to work out together. They never will grow as a couple if they are constantly bringing their parents into the mix.
I will throw in an exception. If you really are struggling in an area and need some help, it’s appropriate to seek out advice from someone who can help you with that problem. You may want to talk to a doctor or a therapist, or a financial advisor—depending on the problem. There are times when Mom really is the very best person to help, and in cases like that, I encourage you to share only what details she needs to know in order to help you. Your marital relationship is a trust between you and your husband, and you should only share things that he feels comfortable with you sharing.
The more you rely on your spouse instead of your parents, the closer the two of you will become. You’re not ignoring your parents or refusing to spend time with them—you’re still enjoying lunches and get-togethers and family reunions, but you are forming a unit of your own with your husband, and it’s the natural course of progression.
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