Sex and Marriage – Rekindling the Flames

Married couples often complain about a lack of ‘good sex.’ They complain about not having sex at all. They complain about being expected to have too much sex. The less intimate contact with each passing year of marriage can cause husbands and wives to become upset, under appreciated or even neglected.

Marriages are stressed by career and financial demands. Throw children in and you have time-consuming, exhausting and sense-dulling days that are less than conducive to passion or romance. When the drips and drabs of energy are all that’s available at the end of the day, husbands and wives may start pulling away from more than just sex, they may start distancing themselves from each other – hanging on to whatever faint remnants of privacy are left.

It’s important to recognize a few things when it comes to marriage, your relationship when you met is not going to remain identical to the relationship you have after 2 years, 5 years or 10 years of marriage. Relationships change and evolve. Change does not mean negative or bad, it simply means different.

If you are feeling dissatisfied in your sex life with your partner, try to not compare your early sex life to your current one. For starters, when you first got together sex was edgy and exciting as you explored each other. The ‘mystery’ and the ‘edge’ do fade over time to be replaced by familiarity.


Ever heard of ‘familiarity breeding contempt’?

For many couples, this is a delicate time in the marriage. Often, the partners arrive at the juncture separately although they may arrive at it together. When sex requires more thought and effort, it may lack the spontaneity and heat of the earlier encounters but it has the potential to become something much more.

It’s important for both husband and wife to communicate their needs and desires openly and honestly with each other. There is nothing wrong with asking what will please the other one. Just as there is nothing wrong with admitting that some ideas are not as comfortable as others. While the word negotiate lacks the sexiness most associate with a sexual relationship, negotiating ways to please each other can prevent a sexual relationship from faltering and a marriage from suffering.

There is research that supports the fact that sexual frequency and desire levels off in most marriages. If you are not having sex as often as you once did, it doesn’t mean your marriage is failing. It means that you’re normal and your partner is normal. Don’t let Hollywood and Harlequin romances dictate the sexual virility you should be aspiring to.

Avoid making too many excuses because sexual frequency becomes a problem when one partner wants sex more often than another. The former can feel frustrated and rejected while the latter feels pressured and guilty. These are not healthy feelings. If you find talking about sex to be discomforting, write a love letter to your partner and ask them for their thoughts as you share your own.

Discover the wonder that married sex affords you as you rediscover each other in an atmosphere of closeness and security. Be open, be honest and most of all — share your love for each other with each other.

This entry was posted in Intimacy/Relations and tagged , , , , by Heather Long. Bookmark the permalink.

About Heather Long

Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago. They have a beautiful daughter who just turned five years old. She is learning to read and preparing for kindergarten in the fall. An author of more than 300 articles and 500+ web copy pieces, Heather has also written three books as a ghostwriter. Empty Canoe Publishing accepted a novel of her own. A former horse breeder, Heather used to get most of her exercise outside. In late 2004, early 2005 Heather started studying fitness full time in order to get herself back into shape. Heather worked with a personal trainer for six months and works out regularly. She enjoys shaking up her routine and checking out new exercises. Her current favorites are the treadmill (she walks up to 90 minutes daily) and doing yoga for stretching. She also performs strength training two to three times a week. Her goals include performing in a marathon such as the Walk for Breast Cancer Awareness or Team in Training for Lymphoma research. She enjoys sharing her knowledge and experience through the fitness and marriage blogs.