We all know by now that consistency and routine are important for a healthy, functioning family. BUT, change is constant—our lives change, our schedules change, and we also have to be flexible and capable of adjusting. For a single parent, figuring out how to cope with big schedule changes like a shift in bed-time schedules or routine, and still maintain consistency and limits can be a big challenge!
With only one parent, if you have work shift changes, or if your child changes his or her sleeping habits, it can send the household into spin cycle. Trying to make sure that everyone is getting enough sleep and meeting other obligations becomes an obsession. If possible, gradual changes are always best—if you know in advance that you will need to change your schedule because of work, school, a new day care, or whatever, you can work on getting your child and yourself used to the changes over time. Of course, sometimes the changes happen and then we have to adjust.
Expect that it is going to be a process and be open with your child (age-appropriately, of course) about what is in store and what needs to happen. Some children will be old enough to understand—even if they don’t like it—that schedules are changing and why. What I have also found to work is to either make a bit of a game out of it, or decide on a reward or treat that you will grant yourselves when you adjust (or both): “Once we are able to get up and get going every morning at 6:30 for a week, we’ll take ourselves out for pizza!” Making it a group or team project can also help instead of putting pressure on the child to conform or adjust.
So, what if a child changes his sleep or other schedule and you’re the one who has to adjust? I’ve talked to many a single parent who suddenly found she was up every two hours or incredibly sleep-deprived because a child decided to mix things up. I think the same techniques can work—as can starting from a point of acceptance. Instead of trying to force the child to conform to your love of the previous schedule, it may take some mutual adjustment to find a new schedule that works. Think creatively and let yourself find something that works for YOUR family—not necessarily what you’ve read in a book.
Also: Dividing Time–A Single Parent’s Task