I recently wrote about how I think that those people who tell single parents that they should “stop being so picky” need to stop! In my opinion, single parents have earned the right to take their time and be as picky as they feel they need to be whether they are dating and looking for love, choosing friends, finding a new neighborhood, working on their careers, or whatever. As I was writing, however, I got to thinking about the whole idea of “standards” and whether or not some of us single parents have a tendency to have standards that are either too high…or too low?
This can be a hard one for many of us—our standards change, our expectations change over time as well. The level of our self-esteem and self-confidence at any one time can have a direct impact on what we are willing to settle for and what we are not. Reality and desperation can also have an impact. For example, if you have a college degree and have trained for a certain field, but cannot find immediate work in that field—a single parent might be more tempted to “lower” her standards and take other work than someone who has a partner’s income to tide her over while she continues the search.
How about dating? A single parent might be tempted to “settle” for what he or she thinks is all that he or she is likely to attract. This would be the tactic that those who advise us to “stop being so picky” would suggest. On the other hand, we might be so burned and have worked so hard to get our lives back on track that we are holding out for absolute perfection. I could definitely be guilty of sticking to pretty high standards when it comes to my personal life at this stage in the game. I’m not sure yet if my standards are really “too high” but they might be a bit unrealistic.
We single parents can expect our standards and our tolerance for various elements of our life to change over time. Being able to evaluate things with a healthy dose of perspective and reality, however, can be a good way of making sure we don’t let our expectations and standards get either too high…or too low.