It was a beautiful Relief Society lesson. Despite being pressed to fill in at the last minute, the teacher had obviously prepared, and spoke from the heart. The Spirit was strong. One sister raised her hand to comment on the underlying message given. A second and third sister shared similar testimonies. I felt sure that the Lord was prompting us as a class to grow together, that this message was one we needed to hear.
And then it happened. Another sister went back to the surface issue being discussed. It was as if we were discussing the underlying ramifications of the parable of the ten virgins, and someone asked the monetary price of acquiring oil at midnight, and did the prophet really want us to store oil or would wood be okay? Other sisters hurried to clarify the actual point, and the spiritual message was dropped from the discussion.
On the way home, I found myself complaining to my husband. “Oh, Sister So-and-so,” I sighed. “And if that weren’t bad enough….”
I stopped. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that my criticism did little more than divide me from the sister in question. I began to wonder if my critical eye was a sin, or just unpleasant? After all, I rationalized, it wasn’t like I was criticizing her in her calling, or not supporting her in her role.
At the close of 2006, there was a wonderful lesson on unity in the Relief Society. I realized that my criticism did nothing to cement that unity. Instead, it created a wall. Furthermore, I am pretty sure that Sister So-and-so was not intentionally diverting the conversation. Perhaps the message that I so desperately needed to hear (okay, I was one of the sisters contributing to the discussion, and we all three raised our hand at the same time) did not affect her. Perhaps she had already learned the lesson. Perhaps she wasn’t paying attention, or perhaps she was just a bit slow on the uptake.
Constructive criticism, in and of itself, is not a sin. Griping probably is (though I didn’t find it in the topical guide). In a church where we are supposed to be united, it is expected that individual personalities don’t always mesh smoothly. That’s okay. But we need to make sure that, even if we don’t see eye to eye with someone in our branch or ward, we aren’t becoming unnecessarily harsh. We ought be slow to judge. We ought be more patient, more kind, and more forgiving. We ought be slow to be offended.
In the meantime, I can see that I will have to work on my attitude with Sister So-and-so. I probably should spend some time trying to find ways to serve her – doesn’t service help foster love? In short, I should be more Christlike, an attitude which will help increase the spirit in our Relief Society meetings. And if the Spirit is stronger, maybe next time we can stay on topic.
Related Articles:
Relief Society: Building Unity
The Blessings of Relief Society
And Nothing Shall Offend Them by Elder David Bednar