My five-year-old is oh so full of confidence these days. Much of this confidence seems to be directed at me in the form of bossiness, demanding attitude, and “you are doing it wrong and I am right, Mom!”
I thought that the teenage years started at 13, or maybe 10. Not 5.
I know that like every other stage my daughter has gone through, this too shall pass. Everything passes, whether you are enjoying it or not. Becoming an individual involves sticking up for yourself when the authorities are wrong, and in our house, the authority happens to be me.
The other part of becoming an individual is to learn how to treat other individuals, even when you’re feeling confident and bossy and right. This, we’re working on. We’re working on asking politely for things, even when you need them Right Now. Preferably Ten Minutes Ago. Asking is good, asking in a screaming and bossy tone is not so great.
Just like when my daughter was two, I’m rediscovering and enjoying the wall. The wall is when you finally decide to put your foot down and stop negotiating with the small tyrant – whoops, make that delightful child – who is trying to rule your every move. Perhaps it’s 9 pm and definitely bed time and your daughter wants to eat large quantities of marshmallows and camp in the yard with the skunks. While that sounds like fun, the more practical option is bed. You say no, she negotiates, and you say too bad. Maybe another night.
And there’s the wall. When confidence meets the wall, there is usually some screaming and crying. You may not be able to comfort your child. And then your child calms down, gradually. They’ve accepted the wall. You’ve created a boundary and asserted your confident self in a calm and polite way. You’re the beloved parent again, and it’s time for bed.
I love my daughter’s confidence, and I’m learning to love the wall as well.
