Today I’m going to talk about something you may not have thought about as affecting your marriage, but it is something I suspect a few of us are guilty of. I know I am. The issue is negative self talk. This was something that came up during marriage preparation classes for a young couple I know.
When I talk about marriage preparation classes I’m not talking about those quick fix couple of hour’s courses that are supposed to give all the answers to how to prepare you for marriage or solve any problems in your marriage in one easy lesson. I’m talking about the courses that run over a number of weeks and require a great deal of input and discussion between the couple as they talk things through and insight from the qualified person running the course. These types of courses are often run by churches here in Australia. In my opinion and those of family who have taken part in them they are helpful in guiding the couple to think about and discuss things they may not have thought of. Like this one of negative self talk.
One of the things the man in the relationship found really hard to deal with was his future wife’s tendency to put herself down. It can be damaging to a relationship. And like I said, I know this is something I am often guilty of. But I’d never thought before about it, till this was raised when in a conversation about marriage. Just stop and imagine for a minute how hearing that negative self talk can make the spouse of the person doing it feel. It is not only hard for them to listen to because they love you, but in a perverse sort of way, when you think about it, it is putting them down as well because you are the one they have chosen above all others.
Negative self talk is also a trait that can be handed on to children, when what we should be doing is building our children’s confidence. So from that point of view negative self talk is something that needs to be dealt with sooner rather than later.
So next time you’re tempted to be critical of yourself and indulge in negative self talk and running yourself down, stop and think about the effect it has on your spouse. You wouldn’t like it I’m sure if someone was running your spouse down. You would want to defend them. At least I hope you would, Otherwise I’d be wondering about your marriage and commitment to them. So why should your spouse want to listen to you run yourself down. It makes sense not to, when you really think about it.
You are of value and your spouse values you. He or she would not have chosen you otherwise.
I admit negative self talk was something I had not thought of before till this discussion on marriage came up. But now that I’ve been alerted to it, it is something I will be more aware of in future and try to do something to rectify. How about you? After all you wouldn’t want to keep it up and run the risk of convincing your spouse you’re not worthy of their time and love and attention, would you?
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