Single parenthood is not synonymous with being a doormat—whether it is with our children, our exes, or our work, family, or other institutions, for many of us single parents, one of the big lessons we can learn is how to stick up for ourselves and not let ourselves get taken advantage of or walked over…
There is a difference, of course, between being assertive and having an aggressive chip on one’s shoulder. But, for many of us, we have been either raised to think that we should be nice and accommodating, or we have been through such a rough time that our self-esteem is battered and we have a hard time feeling like we have the strength or the mandate to stick up for ourselves. Getting back our healthy boundaries and figuring out how to be assertive and take care of ourselves without getting aggressive and defensive can be a bit lesson of single parenting.
We don’t always have to be nice and we do have to learn how to advocate for our children and our families. It is okay to say “no” and to figure out what is best for our children and ourselves and fight for it. Refusing to be treated poorly, or sit at the back of the room can be a great developmental stride for someone who is used to getting pushed around. As a matter of fact, many single parents HAVE to learn how to be strong advocates for services, child care, and education in order to make sure that their children and families do not end up at the bottom of the heap.
Surround yourself with strong, supportive people and give yourself kudos when you do stick up for yourself. With each attempt and each boundary-setting opportunity, you will build your confidence and feel stronger and healthier. Remember, however, that there IS a difference between sticking up for yourself and your family and having a big, defensive chip on your shoulder and taking it out on everyone and anyone. Come from a place of calm, confident strength and you will learn to how to be assertive and an advocate.
Also: Rising to the Occasion
Not Sure What to Say? Practice…
Strong Enough to Withstand Judgment