Divorce is one of those experiences that no one can fully understand until they have been through it. No matter how many movies and televisions shows one watches, getting through a divorce is more intense and consuming than anything one might imagine. Whether you are the one who instigates the divorce or not, or whether or not you know that it is the right thing to do—if there are children involved and it requires a reorganization of your family, no one understands like someone who has been there, done that. I think this is one of the reasons that those of us who have been there can be such a support for others who are going through a divorce.
Whether you had a “happy” divorce or a stressful one, it can be tough to be available for others who are going through it. Some of us would like to put the experience behind us and not be reminded of it again. Our support, encouragement and experience can be just exactly what a struggling friend needs, however, and supporting another through the divorce process can give us the opportunity to heal some unfinished areas as well.
As you know, the person going through a divorce will get plenty of negative feedback and opinions from all sorts of people. They will be told that they have failed or that they are poor or irresponsible parents, or that they did not do enough to keep the marriage together. Those of us who have been through it know how all of those negative opinions and ideas feel when they are coming at us—all at a time when we are feeling horrible anyway. What the person needs is a little empathy and positive understanding and that is something that those of us who have been there can provide.