Much of what we talk about here in the Single Parents blog in regards to our exes or our child’s other parent is how to cope and survive the challenges. It does not have to be all bad or all struggles, however, and if we are co-parenting with someone—sharing and swapping parenting ideas may be a helpful, productive activity.
The truth is, if you are both involved in parenting your child or children, you may both have some reasonable insight. It can be tough to admit, especially if you are the primary parent, but other people might have some ideas about raising your child that can be helpful and the ex/other parent is a strong possibility for input. For some of us, we have to first be open to hearing ideas from our ex before we can get to a place where we can comfortably share them.
You may need to create some parameters round your sharing and swapping of ideas so that it does not deteriorate into a competition or an argument over who knows the “best” thing to do for the child. Consider starting out with sharing insight: “How has he been sleeping at your house?” or “Do you have any problem getting her to brush her teeth?” You may find that what is an issue at one house is NOT an issue at the other and get some interesting ideas as to why. You may also find that the child is having problems with something at both houses and putting to parental heads together to try to solve it might make more sense than tackling it separately and differently at two different houses.
Try to look for the least stressful and the least charged way of sharing the ideas—is it through notes or e-mail? Often, exes find that communicating with ways other than talking face-to-face can help them to focus on what is being said and not the communication issues and baggage that might be left over from the relationship.