My husband has a stressful job. He’s good at handling difficult customers, and so that’s what he does all day—deals with customers no one else can placate. Most of the time, the disputes can be resolved quickly, and the customer is often laughing by the end of the conversation. But sometimes, the customer will not calm down. It’s against company policy for my husband to lose his temper, so he has to maintain an image of calm no matter what the situation.
After a long day of complaint after complaint, he’s usually ready to crawl under a rock and never deal with the public again. But he has a public of his own—a wife and four children—and when he walks in the door, we all pounce on him, eager to share our day, and sometimes complaints of our own. After holding in his emotions all day long, he’s about ready to pop.
A few years back, this was a real issue in our marriage. He would come home so stressed out that he wasn’t able to be kind to us. His nerves were wound tight, and the slightest thing would set him off. He never became abusive—that’s just not in his nature—but sometimes his words were unkind and it was difficult to spend time together.
We took this problem to our religious leader, who gave some very wise advice. He said that he, too, struggled with this for a while, and then hit upon a solution. Rather than coming straight home from work, he would go for a drive or to a park, or somewhere else where he could chill out and be by himself for a little bit. He would walk around, take some deep breaths, and shut down the negative dialogue running through his brain from his day at work. Then, when he came home, he could fully focus on his wife and family.
We tried this in our own house. My husband would go for a quick jog or walk, and then come home. It made his arrival time around half an hour later than usual, but it made such a difference in his stress levels, it was worth it. He was able to be a father and a husband, rather than a bundle of nerves.
I’ve been so grateful for this advice. Such a simple thing, but it literally turned us completely around.
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