Yesterday we looked at the fact that disagreements are not always bad in a marriage. Here are some further tips for how to deal with those argumentative times.
1. Stick to the topic at hand. Don’t bring up past issues and arguments. The past should be a closed book with a sign that says ‘Do not open.’ Once it is over, leave it over. Don’t hark back to it.
2. Don’t attack your spouse. And avoid expressions like ‘You always do……’ or ‘You never say……’
3. Do not resort to naming calling and using belittling words. Such behavior achieves nothing and only makes it harder to resolve the issue. Words cannot be unsaid so be careful in your use if them
4. Do not accuse you spouse, e.g. ‘You are so selfish, or thoughtless.’ Instead tell them how you feel about a situation.
5. Decide which things are worth fighting about. Sometimes it might be better to ignore certain things.
6. Try not to instigate a discussion, disagreement or argument at times when you or your partner is tired, overworked or sick. That’s often when things get out of hand.
7. Don’t be so busy trying to marshal your next point that you don’t listen to what your spouse is saying.Think about what they say before responding.
8. Leave relatives and friends out of it. Your spouse does not need to hear what your mother or father or aunt or best friend thinks.
9. When it is over, it is over. Forgive and forget. Kiss and make up. If you are believers, then a great way to make up after an argument and help resolve hurts, is to pray together. Of course it would probably be good to pray beforehand as well, but often our minds are not clear enough for that. But pray afterwards. It is hard to stay mad at your spouse and pray with them.
10. Don’t worry if you argue sometimes. It’s part of being human and in a relationship with another person.
Please visit these related blogs
Disagreements Aren’t Always Bad for Your Marriage
Tips For Dealing with Argumentative Sore Spots
Dealing with Irritations and Problems in Marriage